Helping Mark
by ChibiNekoShinigami
Summary: Roger knows that Marks having problems. He decides to help out. ROGERMARK! Just so you're aware.
1. Chapter 1

This started off as a poem...but I realized that it became much more of a story. I hope someone likes it. THERE WILL EVENTUALLY BE ROGER/MARKCOUPLING! If youdo not like this coupling...do not read. It's my favorite!

Disclaimer: I don't own them. If I did...well...Roger wouldn't be with Mimi...he would be doing quite...unsavory...things with Marky. So it's clear that I don't own them.

**Honest Living**

"Hold on a sec Rog, I gotta piss. I'll be right back and I'll listen to your song then."

A common excuse he always uses to get away

I know though that its not just that.

I know what he does to himself.

It's not healthy. Not at all. I know he hurts.

I don't know why though. He won't tell me.

He knows I know, at least I think. I'm not sure.

This isn't right. I feel almost guilty for not stopping him.

How can I stop him from dragging the razor across his flesh though?

It's his life. I can't just tell him to stop the one thing that makes him happy.

Can I? He made me stop the drugs after April. But those were hurting me.

Is this really hurting him?

Yes. Yes. It has to be. It's not healthy. If he keeps it up then he may die.

He promised me he'd always be here. He can't leave me, he can't.

I have to help him, have to make him happy. I love him too much to let him hurt.

So the decision made. I walk over to the door. And prepare to open it up.

He's going to start being honest with me again. He's going to live honestly again.

He's going to be happy. Even if I have to hold him down until he talks to me.

I'm not letting him do this to himself anymore.

I prepare myself.

And I throw open the door- not only to the bathroom but to helping Mark.

**Last week I wanted just to disappear**

"What the hell are you doing Roger! Get the fuck out!"

"Sorry Marky, I can't. And I think it's you who should be telling me what you're doing."

I motioned to his arm. Which was now bleeding. And the razor in his hand. Covered in blood.

His blood.

"I umm...Rog, I umm...oh god. No...NO YOU CAN'T SEE THIS YOU CAN'T KNOW."

I was certainly shocked. This wasn't Mark. This wasn't my Marky.

"Mark...Marky...please put that down and come here. I want to clean that."

Mark had never looked so torn in his life. He looked angry, sad, but so happy and innocent at the same time. He dropped the razor and almost collapsed. I walked over to him all the while whispering that it was okay. That he was okay. That it would all be okay. He looked ready to cry when I walked him to the sink and washed and bandaged his cuts. I picked him up an carried him into my room. I know he likes it in there. He says it makes him feel better to be in there on nights when I stay out too late. As soon as we sat down on my bed and he realized where we were he started to cry. "Roger, Rog, I'm sorry. So sorry. I can't help it. I'm sorry Rog. Don't hate me. Don't hate me. Please don't hate me. Oh god you probably hate me. I need to go. I'm sorry I'll leave." I immediately hold on to him tighter and assure him that no I don't hate him and that he doesn't have to apologize. He just has to be him. And tell me whats so wrong and why he does this to himself. Although not now if he's not ready. He says he's not. He looks so exhausted. So I make him take a nap on my bed. Maybe that'll calm him down. He could use the sleep...he never sleeps. So, I lay him down and go to leave and he grabs my hand and begs me not to leave in his small, broken voice. Well I certainly never could leave him when he asks like that. I lay down beside him and he immediately curls up into me because it makes him feel better I guess. I don't mind. Soon he's sleeping and as I'm watching him sleep, I realize that sleep is the only peace he ever gets and he doesn't get it much. I'm gonna have to make him start sleeping more. Hopefully with me.

Hope you liked it. There will be more than this eventually. Please review if you liked it or have any helpful suggestions! Please! Thanks!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The first part is in Mark's POV and then it switches into Rogers POV because I think its important to know how Mark is feeling.

Disclaimer: If I owned them...well...I certainly wouldn't be writing about them. They belong to other people like Jonathon Larson and such.

Thanks to: My first three reviewers! Thanks so much Dramafool, Koishii-Kitsune-Akira, and Jacinda! You guys made me feel great and made me want to update! Thank you sooooo much!

Understand I'm Scared

**Marks POV**

When I wake up it takes me a while to realize where I'm at, but slowly I realize that I'm in Roger's room. But why am I in here? I go to get up when I feel something wrapped around me and I'm a little startled but then I realize that it's Roger's arms. Ok...so why am I in Roger's room, in Roger's arms? Then I remember...shit. Shit, shit, SHIT! He wasn't supposed...how did he know? Great...he must hate me now. He'd have to, after seeing what I've done to myself. Dammit...this wasn't supposed to happen. I have to get out. I have to get out now, I can't deal with this, I can't I can't I CAN'T. I slowly untangle myself from his arms...his arms...I only wish that I were in his arms for another reason...and then I go into my room, grab my coat and scarf and of course my camera. Then I head for the bathroom to grab, what else, a razor. I'm about to walk out the door when I hear him say "And where do you think you're going Mark?" "Out" I realize how dead my voice sounds when I say that. Oh well. "No Mark, stay here, please talk to me. Come on, please." "No" He starts to come near me and I know that if I let him he'll stop me, because he's bigger than I am, but I'm much faster so I run. I leave the loft and run down the stairs and out. And I just keep running, and for once I finally understand why Roger leaves when he has problems. It's so much easier than dealing with them. So I run...I don't know where I'm running to, but I run.

**Rogers POV**

I start to wake up whenever he pulls out of my embrace. I don't quite let him know I'm awake because I want to see what he does. As soon as he leaves my room, I quietly go over to the door and listen, ready in case he does something stupid. I hear him go into his room, then the bathroom, then I hear him head towards the door. I don't want him to leave, I want him to stay here where I can at least try to keep him safe. I ask him where he's going and when he answers, God, he sounds so dead inside. I beg him to stay here with me and talk to me, but he says no. I can tell he's about ready to leave so I go towards him, if I can get to him, I can make him stay. He bolts though and I know I won't be able to catch him. He's quite the fast runner, picked it up from being the target of so many bullies through school. I don't know what to do. Now I know what it must feel like for him when I leave and I feel horrible. He doesn't deserve to ever feel this way, this scared, this hurt. He doesn't. I don't know what to do though, so I decide to go visit Mimi because she at least knows how to deal with me leaving, so she may know how to help me.

I go down to her apartment and knock, just in case, and I hear a very muffled "Who is it?" "It's me Mimi,I need...I need you help." Mimi opens the door and takes one look at me and pulls me into a hug and asks me whats wrong. So I tell her, not all about what Mark does, just that we had a fight and he left instead of me. "Don't worry babe, I know he'll come back. You always did when we used to go out, every time we had a fight, you always came back." "Marks different though, Mimi. He was upset and mad I think. I can't stand this feeling." "I know babe, but don't worry he'll come back. Do you wanna stay here until he does?" I agree, and not for the first time, I'm so glad that Mimi and I stayed close after the break-up. She knows how I feel about Mark, about how much I want him, need him, love him. She's one of my best friends to talk to, except for Mark. So I get comfy in my favorite chair of hers and wait. And wait. I'll wait up until he comes back. I'd wait up forever for him.

If you liked it, please review! And if you didn't like it, please review and tell me why, so I know how to make it better! Thanks!


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Here's Chapter 3...Hope you enjoy

Thanks to: L'il Senzu, Kasey Clark and Jacinda! Thanks soooooooooooooo much guys for reviewing. I really appreciate it so very very very very much!

Disclaimer: Again...don't own any of them because if I did then Rent would be completely different. Completely. And if you'd like to sue...well...you'll get some Ramen, some water, a Johnny Depp comforter and my Rent CD. So yea...its really not worth it. Anyways, on with the show!

_**Who do you think you are?**_

**Mark's POV**

I don't know how late it was by the time I got back to the loft. It had to have been at least midnight or 1 but I'm not sure. I only came back because I was exhausted. I ran I don't know how far, then I filmed a bit, and did other things too. I'm kind of ashamed of what I do. Why can't I deal with things like normal people do, I don't know. I know it's not a good way of dealing with things,but I still do it. It feels good and it works. It's better than screaming and throwing things in the middle of the night. That would wake Rog up and upset him. I don't want that.

I'm such a sap for him. I'd do anything for him and to protect him. I don't want him to know how shitty I feel all the time or how stressed out I always am. He'd probably blame himself and I don't want that because it's not his fault at all. The only person who's fault it is is mine. At least I won't have to deal with him tonight, it's so late that he's probably asleep or out. If I go to bed now, and wake up early tomorrow morning, leave and then stay out late again I can avoid him for at least a little while longer. I feel sort of guilty for wanting to avoid him, but I know he must think I'm a freak and I want to avoid him yelling at me for as long as possible. Because thats what he's gonna do first. And I don't need that, I don't think my heart could handle him angry with me.

I change into my pajamas and decide to go brush my teeth. I must be really out of it, because I don't even hear the loft door open or Roger walking towards to bathroom. Because the next thing I know he's standing in the bathroom door, blocking my exit, and shit he looks upset, anger and...even scared? I was hoping to avoid him for a little longer. Dammit.

**Rogers POV**

I'm still awake in Mimi's apartment when he comes back. I hear him going up the stairs but I wait until I hear the loft door slide shut before I start up the stairs. I'm trying to make as little noise as possible so I don't scare him away. I thought about it all afternoon, how to talk to him, how to get answers and I realized that I have to catch him off guard when he's just finished cutting himself so he's calm. I open the loft door and I hear the water running in the sink. I hope to god he's not or it's going to be a repeat of earlier.

I stand in the door and thank god he's only brushing his teeth. I say his name and he jumps, literally jumps, and I feel kind of bad that I startled him. He finishes with his teeth and then tries to get around me with a "Not now Roger, I'm tired and I want to sleep" but I won't let him.

"Mark, no. We're going to talk. I want to know why."

"Why what?" He asks pretending to be confused.

"You wanna play that way Mark? Fine. Why won't you talk to me? Why don't you trust me enough to help you with the obvious pain you're in? Why are you hurting yourself like this?"

"Roger, I...Look I don't want to talk about it. Fuck off. I'm going to bed. Now move."

**Marks POV**

He'd better fucking move or I swear I'll...I'll...well I don't know what I'll do, but it will not be pleasant or enjoyable for him. I just want to go to sleep dammit. Why won't he move? I can't handle this, not now, not at all ever actually. "Rog, please...just move...I can't do this right now. Please?" I know I sound pathetic. I know I do. I don't expect him to actually move, but to my surprise he does.

"Marky, please, just, talk to me sometime. I can listen despite what you may think. I care about you so much. I don't want you to hurt at all, ever. Go to bed. We can talk in the morning. I don't care what I have to do to get you to talk to me. We're talking. Otherwise, I'm telling everyone. Do you really want that?"

Shit. Shit shit shit shit. Why does he have say things like that? Damn him. "Fine, we'll talk in the morning I guess. If we have to."

"Good. Go sleep now Marky. Goodnight"

I don't answer him as I walk past him to go to my bedroom and sleep.

**Rogers POV**

I know he's pissed. I don't care though. Thank God he agreed to talk to me. I don't know how I would tell everyone about this. They think he's happy here. I don't know if I could destroy their delusion. It was hard enough for me. I guess I should probably get ready for bed now, so that way tomorrow comes sooner and I can talk to Mark and find out whats going on. I meant what I said, I don't want him to hurt anymore. Just the thought of it makes me feel like my hearts been ripped out of my chest and trampled upon. I walk past his closed door and whisper "Good night my little filmmaker. I love you." and then I go into my room and prepare to sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a long day.

Hope you enjoyed it!


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Here's Chapter 4! Sorry for the long delay in between, but I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do with this and where I wanted to go. Also...well...it was Christmas break and I was enjoying being home from college for a nice month...and then the semester started and I wanted to start out good so all my time was being devoted to that. But I got really inspired today. And I had to write. So here it is!

_**IMPORTANT! I'd really suggest re-reading the end of Chapter 3 as I changed it and some very, very, VERY IMPORTANT things have changed. If you don't read it you're going to be confused as all hell and you'll think I'm on crack cuz it doesn't follow. So please read!**_

Thank you to the wonderful, wonderful people who are reading or have reviewed this story! It makes me feel really good that some people review this, cuz it means that they actually like it! Now...onto the story!

**I'll Carry the Cross You Bear**

**Marks POV**

Wow. What a shitty night. It was so fucking hard to sleep and I had to literally force myself to not run away again. I can't, now that I promised Roger I'd talk to him. If I left him after saying I would talk to him, I'd feel even worse than I do now. Plus, he'd tell everyone about this, and I don't want them to know. I wonder if they'd even care, or if they'd just shrug it off as "Aww poor Mark can't handle anything, so we'd better never tell him any bad news again or else he may go off and kill himself" or something equally stupid. I'd hate that. It would take away my place in the group. The place I fit into best, problem solver. Usually it's Rogers problems that I'm solving, how ironic it is that he's going to try to solve mine. The sun's starting to rise, I can see it through the threadbare curtain on my window. I severely doubt that I'm gonna get any more sleep tonight. Maybe I'll make some tea and have some cereal. I at least have a few more hours until Roger wakes up. Maybe I shouldn't be worried about this. I mean, he is Roger, he does have a very bad memory most of the time, maybe he'll forget about it. I hope.

**Rogers POV**

My first thoughts on waking up this morning were I hope that Mark is still here. I know he is though. He promised to talk to me. He wouldn't break a promise, at least, not to me. I get up out of my bed and wander out into the main room. He's just sitting there messing around with his camera, maybe putting some new film in it or something. I don't know, that kind of stuff was never my strong point. I head into the kitchen but soon realize that I'm not very hungry. I almost decide to forgo eating when,

"Roger, you have to eat breakfast and take you're AZT!"

God Mark, why are you so worried about me this morning. It's you you need to be worried about. I do as he asks though, I eat a bowl of cereal without any milk and take my pills. I think he's hoping that maybe I forgot about it. I haven't thou. As soon as I'm finished, I go over and sit down on the couch beside him "Mark, put down the camera and look at me. We're going to talk now. You promised me."

"Dammit, you didn't forget did you?"

"No. Now, come on. This is important."

Mark put down his camera and maneuvered himself so that he was looking at me. He opened his mouth and started to speak.

"Why is it so important to you? It's not like it's hurting anyone."

"It's important to me because it's not healthy and it is hurting someone Mark! It's hurting you!"

"Not really."

"Not really my ass. We're not gonna talk about whether or not it's harmful to you. I just want to know why Mark. Why are you hurting so much inside that you need to do this to yourself? Why can't you talk to me about it? Do you really not trust me enough to come to me and let me help you? Is it really so bad that you can't share it?"

"Roger...I just...I can't say it. All I feel is this deep sorrow inside me, and it's so hard to get into words. I know why I feel like that, but I can't tell you. I can't tell anyone about it. But it's not important. Really. I'm not going to die or anything on you. I promise. Now can we be done?"

"No Mark! Dammit! Don't you get it? This IS important! You're hurting, and because you're hurting it's hurting me. It hurts like hell to know that you're in so much pain that you can't think of any better way of dealing with it that playing slice and dice with your skin!"

**Marks POV**

God, Roger looks close to tears. He's really upset about this. Dammit Cohen! Look at what you've done now! The one person you truly love, and you've gone and hurt him because you're so stupid! STUPID STUPID STUPID! I can't deal with this. I need to cut. I need to feel it. It's the only thing that's gonna make me feel better. And yet I don't want to because it'll hurt Roger. I don't want to hurt him anymore. What am I going to do? I guess...I guess...I could tell him. "Roger..."

"Yes Mark?"

"Roger, I...I...I think I need a hug...I want to cut again...I feel so bad about hurting you that I want to...but I don't want to because it'll only hurt you more...so please, just, could you hold me until I don't want to anymore?"

I think I'm gonna cry. As soon as I ask, he pulls me to him and just holds me. God...Roger...

**Rogers POV**

Holding Mark like this, despite the circumstances, feels so good. It feels right. I wish I could hold him more. I like holding him. I don't want to fuck with him, but I need to tell him. I need to. I can't hold this in anymore. Maybe it'll help him, to know someone cares. "Marky?" He just looks up at me in response. He looks so adorable. "Marky, I have something I have to tell you. I...well...I love you Marky. I know you probably don't feel the same way, but please don't push me away. I just had to say it, because, I want you to know how much I care." Surprisingly he doesn't push me away, but instead just looks down.

"Roger...is, I mean, do, I mean, are you serious? You love me? How?"

"Because, filmmaker, you are adorable, and so loving, and the perfect match for me. You and I fit together very well."

"Roger...well...I love you too. I love you so much...I just didn't think you'd ever love me back. I never thought of myself as good enough for you, musician."

"You'll never not be good enough for me. You're far too good for me. But, I have to know, is that why you...is that why you're so unhappy? Because you thought that I could never love you?"

He hesitates in answering, and I know. I know it's partially my fault. "I'm so sorry Mark, oh god, you should of told me, you shouldn't have held it in."

"It's not just that, there's other things. I don't want to talk about that stuff right now. Please, can we just stay like this for awhile?"

"Of course. Anything for you Mark. Anything for you." We stay there, in that embrace, for the rest of the afternoon. And for the first time in a while, everything felt okay and at peace in this little loft of ours.

Hope you liked it! Please review and tell me if you liked it, or if you didn't why not. Have a great day!


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

So...it's almost 4 in the morning here...and I'm going home for spring break tomorrow (thank goodness!) but I just got inspired to write some more. So here's chapter 5. I hope you enjoy it! And to everyone who reviewed, thanks sooooooooo very much. I appreciate so much that you take time to read my story and comment on it. I don't even know if thanks is a good enough word to use, but, until they come up with a more suitable word...just...thank you! Now, on with the story!

_**Precious Little Meltdown**_

About a month later

**Roger's P.O.V.**

I don't know what to think. Sometimes I think he's getting worse, sometimes he seems so happy that I have to doubt that he's depressed. The bad days are far more often than the good though. I know what he's feeling by how much I hold him in a day. On his better days, he usually leaves the loft to film, after giving me my good morning kiss and my reminder to "take my AZT and eat something". He's gone for several hours, and when he comes back, he shows me what he filmed and it's just so...nice. I love sitting with Mark for hours, watching what he filmed that day, cuddling, kissing, just being together and being happy.

Those days come few and far between though. Usually, I end up just holding him for a few hours, and re-assuring him that I still love him and that it's okay and everything will be alright. I wish I knew that for certain though. I don't know how to fix him. I hate to see him depressed and sad. I know there's things in his past that he needs to talk about. It hurts like hell to think that maybe he can't talk to me about it, but I have to get over that.

I should try to talk to him later though. He's usually more willing to talk about some of his insecurities on his bad days. And today is a bad day if ever. When I woke up he was huddled next to me in tears. Right now, he's in my bedroom, just lying there, waiting for me to bring this damn tea that I've been fussing with for the last couple minutes. I wanted it to be perfect for him though. I just want him to be happy is all.

When I walk into the bedroom he's curled up into a ball with his face buried in my pillow. "Hey Marky, here's your tea. Come on, get up and drink it, it'll make you feel better love."

"Mmm...Roger...thanks. I love you, you know that don't you? You'll never leave me because you think I don't love you or something like that, right?"

These things always make me so sad to hear, I hate that he doesn't have the confidence in us to know that I won't leave him. "Mark, I know you love me. I'll never leave you for something as silly as thinking that you don't love me. I swear." I think that was the right thing to say. He gives me a sort of sad half-smile and starts to drink his tea. I guess now would be a good time to try to get him to talk. "Marky, love, I want to talk to you about something. Well, actually I want you to talk to me. If you can, I think it would be good for you."

" 'Bout what Rog?"

"If you can, if it's not too painful, could you tell me...well...could you tell me some of the other reasons why you cut, or why you started? Something, anything would be good babe. I just want to know, so maybe, I can try to make it better."

**Marks P.O.V.**

I almost snort my tea when I hear his request. I'd love to tell him, it would be nice to have someone understand, but I'm so scared of what he'll say when he hears. What if he doesn't love me anymore? What if he thinks I'm just stupid and childish for this? I look at him and study his face to make sure he really wants to know, so I know he's not just asking for the sake of asking. A good 10 minutes passes before he says anything else.

"Mark, if you don't want to tell me, it's okay. I just want you to know that I'm here. I'll listen. I promise, I'll listen and I won't say a word until you're done. Ok? Please baby, just try to trust me a little bit though. I want to help you. I want to understand. I love you more than anything and I just want to understand you. So help me, if you can."

I almost started crying while he was talking. I should tell him, he said he'd listen. He really does love me. I just don't think I can speak without him holding me. So I ask him too. And he gladly does it, so now, we're lying on his bed and I'm in his arms and I'm trying to think of a place to begin. This is gonna be so hard, but I guess I'll try to get as much of it out now as I can. Maybe it'll be easier that way. "I guess...I guess this all started when I was in 10th grade in high school. I didn't fit in. No one liked me. I was that boy who always got thrown into the lockers, who even the freshman made fun of. I got good enough grades and everything, except for in gym. Gym was torture. I was so bad at it, and the other guys made me feel like shit every class. I was the last one picked, and the team that had to have me always got to start out with an extra point or two. I hated it, it got worse and worse every day. Home wasn't much better. My dad thought I was gay, and my mother didn't try to convince him otherwise. He picked on my constantly...and made me wish I was never born. If I weren't such a coward, I would have killed myself off then, but I couldn't. I was too afraid of what would happen, I'm still too afraid. I thought college would make me feel better, make me happier...but it didn't. It was the same as high school, except, now instead of being made fun of, I was ignored and forgotten about by people who called themselves my friends. Filming made me happy...it gave me a place to run away too, a reason why I was ignored or forgotten about because I had my hands full or I was too busy for something. My parents made my life more miserable after they found out I wanted to make films for a living instead of being a doctor or whatever they wanted me to be. Boy..what a fight..what a whole shitty day it was actually."

I'm silent for a while as I think back to that day. That was probably the worst day of my whole life, which is saying a lot. I don't know if I can continue or not with this. It's so hard. It does feel kind of nice though, to be able to tell someone about it.

**Rogers P.O.V.**

He's told me so much, my angel, but he still hasn't told me how he started with this nasty habit of his. I have a feeling that it started on the day he fought with his parents about filming, but I'm scared to ask him about it. What if asking pushes him to far and he refuses to talk about it anymore? I don't want him to keep all of this bottled up. It's been bottled up for a long time from the sounds of it too. I'm almost positive that it's not healthy for someone to keep that much shit inside for so long. It can't be if he's cutting himself because of it.

I'm so sad for my love, but I don't want to talk until he is completely finished, so I just hold him closer to me and kiss his forehead. He's been really quiet for a while, and I'm almost positive that he's asleep...but that's when he started to speak again.

Sorry to cut it off here guys, but, I'm running out of ideas for tonight. I'm trying to figure out if I wanna have Mark just describe the fight and the aftermath to Roger or if I want to have a flashback to it as well, so that you all can see what happened. Any suggestions? As always, if you enjoyed it please let me know, and if you didn't please let me know what you didn't like! If I like your suggestions then I'll probably end up changing the chapter around. Hope you all have a great day!


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Hey guys! It's been a while, I know, I just...I have inspiration problems. I just wanna thank everyone whos been reading this, and especially everyone who has reviewed! I loooooove you guys! Anyway, this chapter is all about the fight Mark had with his parents. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Don't own it! If I did, Mark and Roger would be lovers! And that's all I have to say.

**From here on in I shoot without a script**

**Marks P.O.V**

This is going to be so hard. Harder than anything I've done in my life, probably. I need to tell him though. It's better for me. Where should I start? I know I need to start talking about, I think he's getting nervous because I've been quiet for so long. Alright...well here goes.

"I remember that day like no other. I remember waking up that morning, it was a Friday, and I was happy about that. I went to my two classes and was ignored by everyone and then ate lunch alone. I was used to that stuff, and while, it depressed me, I was past the point of it hurting me. I walked around campus and filmed for a while. I fell a couple times because I wasn't watching where I was going and once because some morons thought it would be fun to try and push me into the street. I was going home that weekend, and I was kind of excited, although I don't know why. My parents had asked me to come home for the weekend, that might have been why. They never asked me to come home, ever.

Nothing really that spectacular happpened to me while I was getting home. After I got there thou, it all went to hell. It was right after dinner and my parents asked Cindy to leave the room. As soon as she was gone, my dad looked at me with the coldest stare that he's ever given to me. And he asked me why I didn't have at least a 3.5. And why I was taking a filming class of all things, because thats the last thing I would ever need to be a doctor. I did what, looking back, was probably the most foolish thing I could have done. I told them that I had no intention of being a doctor, that I wanted to make movies. My dad flipped shit. He screamed at me about how he didn't want a "fucking faggot filmmaker" for a son and that I had to get the hell out of his house now. I wasn't his son anymore and he wouldn't continue to support me and pay for college. My mother was crying her eyes out. I was scared and I didn't know what to do, and he told me to get out again or he'd kill me. He was so pissed, I didn't know what to do, so I ran up to my room, grabbed my shit and left.

That was another dumb decision on my part. I ended up getting on the bus and heading back to college. As I was walking back to my room, some of the bastards on campus found me and decided to beat the crap out of me. They were drunk, so, it wasn't as bad as it could have been, but it still hurt like hell. Everything hurt so bad by the time I got back to my room. I didn't know what to do, I couldn't handle everything. I wanted to die so bad. I found the sharpest thing in the room, which was a razor and I was so ready to just end it. I couldn't fucking handle all that shit anymore. I was scared to die thou, I was so scared. I really didn't want to. So, I slashed the other side of my wrist, where it couldn't kill me. And, it just, I can't explain it. It was mesmerizing and beautiful and for a moment, everything felt okay. I liked to watch myself bleeding, it was so surreal, but so real. I vowed that I'd never do it again...but the next time I felt shitty, I did it again. And again, and again, and again. It helped me in a way that filming didn't. It made me feel something, other than overwhelming depression. Roger, you have to understand, I need this now. It's part of me and I need it. I'm not a danger to myself and I promise, I won't ever try to kill myself on you, but you gotta understand how bad I need this. It's hard to try and go without it, when it's whats been keeping me human for so long." God, I'm exhausted, That was so hard. I don't know if Roger understands or not. I hope so. If he doesn't, I'm in trouble.

**Rogers P.O.V.**

My poor Mark. I knew his parents were against him filming, but I never knew...that. I feel so helpless. I wish there was something I could do to help, but I don't think there is. I know talking helps, but I don't know how to respond to this. "Mark...Mark, I do understand, it's an addiction. It's like me with heroin. And Mark, you're wrong, you don't need this. You don't need to continue cutting yourself to survive."

"Roger...Roger, you're wrong."

I know I'm not wrong. And I know what I'm going to suggest is going to make Mark really mad at me. But, it needs to be said. "No Mark. I'm completely right. And I'm not sure if I can help you or not. I...I think that you need to see a therapist. And I think we need to tell Collins or Joanne so that we can get some help to pay for it. Please Mark?" As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I know he's upset. I can feel him stiffen in my arms. He's mad.

"No Roger. No."

"Mark, please understand, I can't help you Mark. You need help. I don't want to see you suffer anymore, please. I love you Mark. That's why I only want what's best for you."

"No you don't. You just don't want to deal with me. I'm sorry that my problems are too much for you to handle."

"Mark, no, listen that's not it at all..."

"NO! Forget it. Listen I gotta piss, I'll be right back."

"Mark...don't...please...just, don't hurt yourself. Please?"

"Fine, but I really do have to piss." He gets up out of bed and walks out into the bathroom. I hear the bathroom door slam and I know that he's really upset. When he comes back, I don't know what to do. Should I stay here, or go to my room? Does he even want me here tonight? The answer comes soon enough as he opens his mouth and tells me to please get out of his room. I oblige his request, because, I know that he's upset and angry with me and he needs to be alone. As I'm walking out, he asks me to shut the door. Right before I do, I tell him that I love him and that he's the world to me. I don't get a response, and I know that for tonight anyway, I'm not in his heart. And that hurts more than anything. Especially since it's my fault.

So, that's it for this chapter. I know it's not the best one...but I just needed to get something out there, and now, things can start looking uphill for Marky and there will soon be some pure, unadulterated Mark Roger fluffiness! But, first this had to come out. I'll try to update in the next 2 weeks, but I can't promise anything. It all depends on how busy I am, and when inspiration strikes. Thanks again for everyone who's reading and an especially big THANK YOU SO FREAKING MUCH to the people who have reviewed. You guys rock my world! And as always, please review if you liked it and if you didn't tell me what you didn't like and why! I appreciate it! Peace out guys!


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